I'm just being honest, this "not knowing" totally overwhelmed me. I am all about education. I got my bachelors degree and took classes to learn subjects. But guess what friends, there isn't a college course that you can take on motherhood. There aren't enough blog posts in the world to prepare you for raising a child. There isn't a "secret" to being a successful parent.
But I have hope to "hopefully" give you in this....with a LOT of prayer and a great support system, you can do this! You are and can be an awesome parent! And you don't even have to have all of the answers either!
Here are three things that help me when the doubt and worry start creeping in about my parenting skills:
1. You may not have all the answers....but your kids sure think you do.
Remember when the kids asked "Why?" for everything. I like to call it, "the questioning phase."
- "Johnny, clean up your toys." -"Why?"
- "Jayne, can you please eat your green beans?" - "Why?"
- "Hold my hand while we cross the street." -"UGH! Why?!"
And this is pretty much what you want to say, "Because I said so! Now be quiet and do what I say!" Don't lie...you know you want to sometimes. Yes, we do have the actual answers to these questions- "If you don't hold my hand...you could get hit by a car." But isn't it amazing that your child is looking at you for knowledge. Your child genuinely...most of the time...wants to know why because he or she knows that you know the answer. You are mom! You know it all. And guess what, they don't have to know that you don't really know everything.
2. It takes time and experience.
When William and I were trying to set up the pack n' play the first time, William and I just stared at each other holding a bunch of metal bars that didn't match. I was 8 months pregnant. I thought I was going to use this amazingly beautiful pack n' play every single day (ha- she used it like twice) and we had NO clue how to set the darn thing up. Though no words were spoken....I know we both were thinking, "Okay, this kid is coming home in a month....and we don't even know how to set up it's bed....seriously, how are we going to raise this poor child?"
This is no joke....I thought I had to "know" everything before Maggie ever even came home from the hospital. I quickly learned, however, that knowledge comes with experience. I have learned so much from my little one and she doesn't even realize it. So don't worry, just learn as you go.
3. Prayer and support
Prayer is going to get you through the times when doubt and worry try to overcome you. Some people like to call it "postpartum," some people like to call it hormones....whatever it is, we moms have an instinct to worry that we are somehow letting our kids down. I am completely speaking from experience on this one. But I pray a lot, a lot, a lot for my daughter and for William and I to have wisdom and discernment in the way we raise her and I know that God will get us through. He will give us the wisdom and grace we need to be the parents he wants us to be.
It's also really important to get a support system in family and/or friends that you can talk to or have around to help guide you as a parent. Our families live far away, so we have our church family to help us and I am telling you, I wouldn't have made it through my first year as a parent without them. My poor friends got so many, "Help! She's fussy and I think she has gas. What do I do?" calls. They got the phone calls that said, "Ummm...if you don't come over here and help me with the baby that I SWEAR has colic, I am going to be admitted into an insane asylum." And guess what, they came no questions asked. Family and friends are so important - you need a support system to walk you through the tough times and be there for the fun times, and the firsts, and the birthdays, and the ER visits. I don't know what we would do without our church family, seriously. Here are a few pictures of our awesome "Virginia" family:
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Don't let the worry and doubt overcome you. You are doing a good job even when you feel like a failure. You are your child's whole world and he or she loves you no matter what!
Good luck on this journey we call "parenthood."
Here are three things that help me when the doubt and worry start creeping in about my parenting skills:
1. You may not have all the answers....but your kids sure think you do.
Remember when the kids asked "Why?" for everything. I like to call it, "the questioning phase."
- "Johnny, clean up your toys." -"Why?"
- "Jayne, can you please eat your green beans?" - "Why?"
- "Hold my hand while we cross the street." -"UGH! Why?!"
And this is pretty much what you want to say, "Because I said so! Now be quiet and do what I say!" Don't lie...you know you want to sometimes. Yes, we do have the actual answers to these questions- "If you don't hold my hand...you could get hit by a car." But isn't it amazing that your child is looking at you for knowledge. Your child genuinely...most of the time...wants to know why because he or she knows that you know the answer. You are mom! You know it all. And guess what, they don't have to know that you don't really know everything.
2. It takes time and experience.
When William and I were trying to set up the pack n' play the first time, William and I just stared at each other holding a bunch of metal bars that didn't match. I was 8 months pregnant. I thought I was going to use this amazingly beautiful pack n' play every single day (ha- she used it like twice) and we had NO clue how to set the darn thing up. Though no words were spoken....I know we both were thinking, "Okay, this kid is coming home in a month....and we don't even know how to set up it's bed....seriously, how are we going to raise this poor child?"
This is no joke....I thought I had to "know" everything before Maggie ever even came home from the hospital. I quickly learned, however, that knowledge comes with experience. I have learned so much from my little one and she doesn't even realize it. So don't worry, just learn as you go.
3. Prayer and support
Prayer is going to get you through the times when doubt and worry try to overcome you. Some people like to call it "postpartum," some people like to call it hormones....whatever it is, we moms have an instinct to worry that we are somehow letting our kids down. I am completely speaking from experience on this one. But I pray a lot, a lot, a lot for my daughter and for William and I to have wisdom and discernment in the way we raise her and I know that God will get us through. He will give us the wisdom and grace we need to be the parents he wants us to be.
It's also really important to get a support system in family and/or friends that you can talk to or have around to help guide you as a parent. Our families live far away, so we have our church family to help us and I am telling you, I wouldn't have made it through my first year as a parent without them. My poor friends got so many, "Help! She's fussy and I think she has gas. What do I do?" calls. They got the phone calls that said, "Ummm...if you don't come over here and help me with the baby that I SWEAR has colic, I am going to be admitted into an insane asylum." And guess what, they came no questions asked. Family and friends are so important - you need a support system to walk you through the tough times and be there for the fun times, and the firsts, and the birthdays, and the ER visits. I don't know what we would do without our church family, seriously. Here are a few pictures of our awesome "Virginia" family:
My best friend, Abby and her daughter Payton love to play with Maggie. Even though Maggie is younger than Payton, she still loves playing with her! I honestly don't know what I would do without these girls!
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The Porters are like our 2nd family. Literally. Colleen was in the room when Maggie was born and (she doesn't know it yet) but she's going to be there for the next one too:) Maggie calls them "Gigi" and "Pap Pap." They are family! We are so grateful for how we can always call them for anything....anytime!
Kimberly watches Maggie the three days that I work at our church and I never, never, never worry about Maggie when she is with her. She is so helpful when I don't know why Maggie is fussy and always gives her so much love! I am so grateful to have her in Maggie's (and my) life.
I can't find a picture of my friend Amber with Maggie....but Amber is my "nurse" friend who I call ALL THE TIME with questions. She is always so calm and helpful and keeps me from freaking out and taking Maggie to the ER every time she cries. She is my very own "nurse hotline." I love her! And her daughter is just a couple months older than Maggie and they love playing together.
I don't have a picture of my friend Pattie either....but she has pretty much adopted Maggie as her niece and just loves on her all the time. She is constantly finding things to bring for Maggie and encouraging me when I don't know why in the world my child is doing the crazy things she does. She babysits Maggie when William and I need a date night and genuinely cares for Maggie- I just love that about her.
My friend Kerri and her three sweet boys love Maggie like she is a part of their family. I watch her boys twice a week and when Maggie doesn't come with me they are very upset. I just love how much they love her! It is so sweet.
I have so many friends and of course our family that is always a huge help and support (and I can't name you all on here or this blog post will never end)! We just love all of you so much! We feel so blessed with how people have rallied around William and I and guided us, coached us, advised us, and loved us through the ups and the downs of parenthood.
Don't let the worry and doubt overcome you. You are doing a good job even when you feel like a failure. You are your child's whole world and he or she loves you no matter what!
Good luck on this journey we call "parenthood."
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